https://wiki.phalkefactory.net/index.php?action=history&feed=atom&title=Talk%3ASejal_D._Dani 2026-10-17T03:05:37Z Revision history for this page on the wiki MediaWiki 1.31.12 https://wiki.phalkefactory.net/index.php?title=Talk:Sejal_D._Dani&diff=5734&oldid=prev 2006-07-06T10:53:06Z

<p></p> <p><b>New page</b></p><div>Dear Sejal, yours is a text you know i really like. it feels like you have entered the mind of the child as she moves from her story, into phalke's. <br /> the moment where the girl/phalke watch and absorb cinema from the screen is very very beautiful and moving.<br /> so what do you want to do with your piece? just now it feels like the perfect synopsis of a story- in which you have shown all the connections, including the emotional ones. <br /> <br /> i have made some corrections- they are in brackets. sometimes i have put in a optional word in a bracket, sometimes i have put in a word that you have used and said, 'i think this word is not needed here', because the sentence still seems to express the same thing.<br /> <br /> similarly, i have put in a comma etcetra in brackets if i feel you could add it there.<br /> <br /> choose the changes you want to make and put the story back. read it to yourself, as i think you may have many times( have you?) and tell me what you think. it should finally read like the perfect piece- almost like a poem- even if you do not break up the lines like they do in poems. but in reading it should feel like that?<br /> <br /> get back in touch and tell me what you feel about your piece now<br /> affly<br /> hansa</div>

HansaThapliyal